So last time I wrote I was talking about Will cancelling and my refusal to let that a man ruin a perfectly good plan. And I’m so glad that’s the choice I went with!
Saturday night Belinda and I went to a boxing event. I wore the red dress I had ordered for my date with Will. It’s drop dead gorgeous. Form fitting, sleeveless, and with the sexiest little cut out at the top of the waist. Classy and sexy, covering just enough to keep people curious from the little bit of skin they see. And let’s be real, from the muscle tone they see. My arms and abs looked stunning in it. And my hips and butt were perfectly round. I think I channeled my inner Kim Kardashian lol.
And that’s exactly the energy I carried all night. At the boxing event I was getting compliments from strangers, men and women. But the real fun started after…
Belinda and I grabbed a quick bite after the boxing event and then headed over to a rooftop bar. There had been a concert nearby so the place was packed. The minute we walked in Belinda recognized a guy she knew, who was there with some of his guy friends. I let my hips sway as we walked over, knowing full well the way I was looking all the eyes were going to be on me. And I love that! Let me segue for a second in case there’s any girls/women reading this.
I’ve got a daughter and I’ll tell her the same thing one day. This isn’t anything taboo, or at least it shouldn’t be. Women’s power and confidence is in their sex appeal. Yes, women are smart, capable, able to do all a man can do. But that’s not the point here. I’m talking about what lights a woman up. What makes her FEEL like a woman. It’s her inner goddess. It isn’t just attractiveness. It’s knowing she DESERVES to command the room. And that’s what I set out to do when I ordered that dress for my date with Will. And that was partially why I refused to give up on that plan. Because that feeling is a high. And I wasn’t trading a high for a sad, lonely, Saturday evening at home wallowing over a cancelled date. No! I had a plan to be a goddess and a goddess I was going to be!
So now that’s out of the way, let’s circle back to the rooftop bar. I walked in, I owned my power, and I commanded the room. When I leaned over the counter to speak to the guy behind it, I knew what I was doing with the slight leaning forward, ankles crossed, that painted my figure to be hourglass to everyone standing behind me watching. And I knew everyone was watching. This cockiness right here… Fucking own it! Why not? This isn’t about pure, physical attractiveness. This is available to all women. Knowing that your presence is sexiness personified. Ever met a woman who just oozes sex appeal? I have. And it’s got nothing to do with her beauty or how much skin is showing. It’s energy. The dress I was wearing helped me channel that energy for sure. Had I been uncomfortable about how I looked I could’ve never presented with that energy. But it wasn’t the dress, it was me.
Belinda tracked down a table for us while I stood there. Since it was packed, we shared a table with a guy sitting by himself. The minute we got there he was into me. But… so was Belinda’s friend from earlier. Now I’ve never had 2 guys fight over me but that night was the closest I’ve come to it. Belinda’s friends came over and sat with us on the remaining empty chairs, with her one friend saddling up close to me to talk. Well, the table owner didn’t like that one bit. Apparently there was some eye rolling and complaining those seats were saved for his friends. So the guys left. But I loved their determination. They found a table of their own and came back to invite us to join them instead. I was in the middle of a conversation with the original table owner. Here I was, 2 guys on each side vying for my attention. Hell yea, every woman’s dream, bitches. I said it. I was undecided though. I was having fun flirting. I didn’t want to commit to one of these 2 dudes yet. Well, the decision was made for me when Belinda’s friend grabbed the hookah and moved it to his table. Look, may the best man win and while I don’t care for the aggressiveness of the move, I do appreciate the decisiveness. Besides, I wasn’t going to ask him to unhand my hookah lol. So I told the table owner looks like I’m going with them. He’d asked for my phone number earlier and I said let’s chat a little bit. He asked for it again since I was leaving and I gave it this time.
So the night continued with these guys. Belinda’s friend was all over me. And he was charming, I’ll give him that. I really did enjoy our back and forth. He wanted to go to an after party for the boxing event, which Belinda had also been invited to. So we said we’re going and instead decided to call it a night. Or at least I did lol. Belinda dropped me off at home and went to the after party after all. Her ex was going to be there and she wanted to see him. She’d never admit that’s the truth but it is and that was why I was against going. So after a few minutes, I get a call from her friend. I was brushing my teeth so I ignored it. He texted asking where are we. I said sorry, we were fucking you, we’re not going, but have fun! He said lol damn! But then texted again a minute later to say Belinda just showed up. Smh! I was so disappointed with her. We had a power move. Get the guys excited to see us at the after party and then play a little game to disappoint them right when their excitement is peaked. I’m not into games normally but this was too fun to resist. And she ruined the plan for her objective when she went. Me, on the other hand, had accomplished my goal. He was hooked.
I left that night feeling amazing about myself and regained the confidence boost I needed in my womanhood after Will’s cancellation. Sure, I shouldn’t need external validation for my confidence. But until I get there I’m going to enjoy such nights. But I also learned a lot from it. And so did Belinda. I’ll start with Belinda. She called me the next morning to rave over how amazing the night had happen and thanked me for reminding her there’s enough glitter in the world for all the nights.
As for me… Will entering my life wasn’t all a waste. Whoever he really is deep down, who I perceived him to be reminded me that what I really wanted in a man does exist and I am worthy of it. Maybe that’s why his cancellation hit me extra hard. I was at a pivotal moment. Do I assimilate and solidify this new revelation and belief? Or do I return to believing dating for me will always be mediocrity at best?
When I chose to own my power over the cancellation, my power was confirmed. I can walk into a room of hundreds of people and command all the eyes. I am that girl. No, rather, I am that woman. If it wasn’t for Will entering my life, and suddenly disappearing, I would’ve never made the choice to test and confirm my own power, my own seductiveness. To me the two are interchangeable for women.
So while Will did not end up being who I hoped him to be, his brief presence in my life showed me there is that potential out there. And if anyone can magnetize it towards them, it’s me. And all I have to do is make the choice, just like I made the choice Saturday night to be stunning and magnetizing rather than sad and wallowing.