First time I named someone using initials, right? Want to know why? Because EG wants to find this and I have no intention of helping him out by using a name he can potentially search. Juan wants to find this too. But there’s a difference. And that’s the thing. Every woman deep down knows there a difference. Even when we’re charmed. There’s a difference.
What’s the difference? Sometimes it’s easy to pinpoint and other times it’s harder but you just know it. This time it’s both. I’m getting better at the just knowing part, when you feel it deep in your soul for no logical reason at all. Remember my brief stent with Will and my questioning of my intuition? It’s like that. And that’s how it was when I came across EG’s profile. Something deep within me noticed a certain quality about him, even if I couldn’t pinpoint what it was.
Now don’t take this to mean my intuition was on point and I sensed deep in my soul a connection with this man. Far from it, when he messaged me initially I was bored. I was no longer interested. I responded because I always give guys a chance once we match. At least a couple of comments back and forth before I rule them out entirely. I was so bored with him initially I didn’t even respond for a day till I was hungover and bored in bed Sunday morning. And then he intrigued me. He asked about me speaking Arabic and mentioned his dad is Egyptian. That was interesting! Then the banter began and I was charmed. So yes, I hate to realize it, yet alone admit it, but respectful men bore me. And he was respectful at first. Yawn. Then he inspired me to sass and I was hooked.
Let’s sidetrack for a second to talk about that. Respectful men bore me. A therapist would have fun with this I’m sure. I guess I grew up around movies and shows where men teased and were charming. And when that’s lacking I assume they’re boring. And while logically I can tell myself I shouldn’t be that way, emotionally I couldn’t change my gut reaction. But what was a pleasant surprise was EG turned out to be both. Respectful and charming. Well, I’ll be darned! Such a thing exists. And the combination is far more thrilling than the charm alone ever was.
So back to the topic at hand… there’s a certain quality about EG that requires we keep his identity hidden. First the intuitive feel. And second what I saw in his character. Determination. Intelligence. Creativity. This man is a conqueror, I can tell. And if he’s made up his mind to find my blog, which I really hope he’s only joking about doing, then he will find it and I refuse to make it easy for him. This is where I write about my deepest thoughts and emotions. And I feel courageous doing so behind a veil of anonymity. I can’t have EG tracking this down and discover I’m completely smitten with him. At least for now lol. I do have a track record of being smitten often. But I also have a track record of quickly getting over it so it shouldn’t take long to find out if this is going to be for the long haul or just another fun fling.
But I have a feeling this one is different. With Will I faced my deepest fear that I wasn’t good enough, worthy enough of a high quality man. Of what I had once dreamt of. And then he disappeared and that fear tried to rear its ugly head again. But I refused to let it beat me back down. While things with Will did not work out, he allowed to me to dream once more. Dreams I hadn’t dreamt in years, maybe even a decade or more. He reignited a fire in me. A fire for MORE. I want more. I deserve more.
And then entered EG. The same high quality. The same dreaming. Perhaps even more. The greatest irony of my life is my dual attraction and repulsion to Egyptian men. A part of me craves that connection. It was the foundation of all my young girl romantic dreams. And a part of repulses at the thought of an Arabic man: controlling, demanding, selfish, even hairy! But EG… he’s both. The best parts of both? The connection I yearn for with an Egyptian man and the respect I demand from a non-Arab. Can I possibly have the best of both worlds? I never even considered the possibility. What happens when a man enters who surpasses all you could’ve ever dreamt of? I don’t know. Seriously, what does happen? Will reminded me of the magic of dreaming and yet EG showed me sometimes reality surpasses even our wildest dreams. I guess we shall see…