I decided to give the nameless man a name after all. Belinda’s friend. He’s Juan. And Juan knows about this website and he wants to track it down. So I’m being ballsy. He might be reading this. And if he is then so be it.
When I first mentioned him a couple of days ago I didn’t bother naming him. At the time I wasn’t really sure why but now that I think it over, I think a part of me was disillusioned. Will had just disappointed me. Lots of men had disappointed me. But Will disappointing me had rocked me a bit. And I think I assumed on some level that Juan would disappoint me too. I for sure didn’t expect him to intrigue me. I think I felt if he remained nameless then he’ll exit as quietly as he entered and I’ll remain unscathed. I have no idea what the future holds so naming him now isn’t me foretelling a grand romance by any means. It’s simply me giving him a chance.
When I first him I had a lot of assumptions that I made about him. Perhaps of his friendship with Adrian, I assumed he was also abusive, a loser, a casual fun kind of a guy, at best. Perhaps it was even because of where we met. Ironic, isn’t it? Because I had been there too. I guess some traditional views have still seeped into me. And then when he mentioned he’s going through a divorce I didn’t even want to bother. Abusive, a loser, and still married?! Come on, that’s too many red flags. So I’m not sure why I caved and gave him my number. I think a part of me was like eh, I’ll just ignore him like the rest once I bore of this. I sound like a bitch right now, don’t I? I can hear it.
What I didn’t expect was someone willing to go on a wild goose chase for me, initiated by Belinda just for her entertainment. Long story short, at the after party he asked her where I was. I was obviously at home but she told him I was in the car, so he went outside to look for me and when he didn’t find me, he went back to Belinda. She told him I must be in the bathroom. So off he went again and once again, nothing. So he returns once more to Belinda and she pointed in a direction and said she’s right there. Off he goes. Nothing. Returns once more and says she’s not here, is she? And Belinda finally admits that I’m not.
If you’re not absolutely gushing over the cuteness of that then you have no sense of romance at all. I’ve always wanted to be pursued and this man was literally chasing, running off fumes. And it didn’t end there. He made himself available when I want, where I want, how I want. Literally saying “whatever you wish” when he offered to pick me up or meet me at the restaurant after I agreed to go out with him. He was practically saying “I’ll do anything, just let me be in your presence once more.” Aww, come on! I didn’t know they still made them like that.
And then to add to it, he’s not some loser. He’s successful. He’s got his shit together, runs his own business. He’s got a family he’s close to and a father as his mentor. He’s almost everything I could’ve asked for. Two things are missing. A relationship with God. And of course him being truly single.
On our date he told me I want to make you mine. My gosh, the wording! I want to be claimed, God damn it! What woman doesn’t? I told him that’s not possible, he’s already someone else’s. He said I’m going to make him rush that divorce. And I said I’m not going to make you do anything, just telling you my stance. Which is true. I meant it then and I mean it now. I do worry I’m just a rebound for him. A man going through the pain of separation and divorce is a susceptible man. I know that. I’m not saying it’s not possible he’s truly enamored with me and it has nothing to do with his situation. I’m just saying it’s definitely a pause for me. Something I’ll be considering for a long while, if he remains in the picture a long while.
And he keeps calling. And texting. He apologized for being too aggressive on our date when all it was was him displaying PDA. He’s being such a gentleman, making his intentions clear, making and keeping promises, pursuing…
And you know what’s funny. It all started with that red dress. The one I bought to wear to my date with Will. And that I refused to not follow through on the plan to wear it, look beautiful, and flirt that Saturday night. Did I manifest this? I wore the dress, I had the scenario I wanted, and I got the result I wanted. Just with a different man than originally planned. That can’t be a coincidence, can it? I don’t believe in coincidences so you know my stance on this. Will was not who I hoped him to be. And Juan was not who I assumed him to be. But once I kept an open mind to the details, I manifested the exact energy I wanted for that Saturday night: beauty, fun, romance, and dazzle! I wanted to lure a high quality man in with my jaw-dropping feminine wiles for the mere reason that I thought it would be fun to do it that way. And I did…